Happiness is Overrated

Commentary: Happiness is Overrated
By Soo-Inn Tan

“If I had remained in Melbourne, I would have been happy and that is all I
would have been.”

We were having dinner with a new friend a few evenings ago. A Malaysian,
he shared about his time in Melbourne. It was a significant time. He went to
university there. He found the Lord/the Lord found him, there. He was part
of a dynamic growing church in Melbourne which did so much to nurture his
faith. Now he was back in Malaysia, working, and trying to find his feet in a
number of key areas in his life. And so we asked him why he hadn’t stayed
back in Melbourne. That was when he told us that if he had remained in
Melbourne he would have been happy, but not much more. He believed the
Lord wanted him back in Malaysia and so he came back.

His answer blew us away because it was both unexpected, and unexpected
from one so young. (He is in his twenties.) When you get to my age, you
probably would have come to realize that happiness is overrated. But we
didn’t expect such wisdom from one raised in the hedonistic atmosphere of
modern consumer culture where many assume that happiness is a right.
(The young continue to amaze me and give me so much hope for the
future.)

In a review article in Utne Reader, Julie Hanus reminds us that:

[As recently as 50 years ago, Americans considered sadness a normal
response to social circumstances: I am sad because something in the world
is not right. The emotion was appreciated for its transformative quality. It
could inspire resolve, help people patch up their lives, help them correct
wrongs, and in some cases, promote greater connection and community.
Today, for every tear shed there seems to be a self-help book enshrining our
unalienable right to happiness. ("Embracing the Blues," Utne Reader,
May-June 2008, P.67)]

The bible has always recognized happiness as “a by-product of a greater
value.”

[Any person who makes his own happiness to be the top priority of his life
will experience only frustration. Jesus clearly indicated that anyone who
selfishly grasps his own life actually forfeits any chance of experiencing real
life. (Creath Davis, "Happiness," Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, Walter
A. Elwell, Editor, Grand Rapids, MI:Baker Book House, 1984, p. 493)]

Jesus was asked as to how one could inherit eternal life (Luke 10:25). I
understand “eternal life” here as referring, not just to some idyllic state after
death, but also to a quality of life, a full life, a joyful life. Jesus answers by
affirming that true life consists of the two primary loves: to love God and to
love neighbour, and to express those loves by sacrificially caring for others
(Luke 10:25-37). Happiness then is a byproduct of being in right relationship
with God and with neighbour, and in blessing others. This is affirmed by
other parts of Scripture where we are also taught that happiness comes from
being in right relationship with God (Psalm 144:15), and from having mercy
on the poor (Proverbs 14:21).

This is one of the secrets of life: Chase happiness and never find it. Pursue a
right relationship with God and live for others, and you get happiness thrown
in. And if this is true, then sadness has a place as well.

As Hanus reminds us, sometimes sadness is a reminder that something is
not right with the world. We remember Jesus weeping at the tomb of
Lazarus His friend (John 11:35). We remember Him weeping over Jerusalem
when He realized what horrors the inhabitants were to experience (Luke
19:41-44). If we are people who truly love God and neighbour, there will be
times when we weep over the sad condition of our broken world. Like the
rest of creation, we groan “as in the pains of childbirth (Romans 8:22 TNIV)”
while we await the coming of the new heavens and the new earth, where
there will be no more tears (Revelation 21:4). To belong to the community
that will inherit the realm of “no tears” is to belong to a community that
weeps because we are not there yet.

Hanus also points out that sadness can also have a “transformative quality.”
It can help us grow and mature. Paul would agree. In 2 Corinthians 7: 2-13,
he notes that a letter he had written had saddened his readers but he does
not regret what he did because the sorrow led to their repentance. There is a
godly sorrow that “brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no
regret… (2 Corinthians 7:10a TNIV). We note that Paul also mentions a
worldly sorrow that leads to death (v.10b). We think of Judas, saddened by
his betrayal of Jesus, who, instead of repenting, chooses to take his own life
(Matthew 27:3-5). Sorrow, by itself, may not have much value. We need to
sorrow for the right reasons and respond to sorrow in the right way. But
sorrow has a place in our life this side of heaven.

So I applaud my young friend for making a key decision that revealed that
the pursuit of happiness was not the true north of his life. I am sure there
are times when he wonders if he did the right thing. Life is tough. This is one
of the reasons we are committed to the ministry and the practice of
friendship. When the going gets tough, the tough need true friends to walk
with.

Therefore, where we can, we want to encourage our friend in his journey of
obedience. And if the occasion presents itself, I will try to tell my young
friend that if he had chosen to remain in Melbourne, just to be happy, he
may have found that he may not have been happy in the end. But by
choosing what was for him the more difficult path, he will discover God, and
growth, and joy. That’s life.