If I haven’t walk out of church so abruptly, yet unnoticeably, I guess I won’t bear to leave anymore.
Poof, Camp Afterglow makes the end of my stay at WEFC. I call it a bittersweet symphony. Frankly, throughout the camp, it hasn’t been easy. Hmm if I hafta be so honest here, I would say it kinda soured a few relationships and caused me to think more about human relationships. So did I ever at one point regret being in the Camp Comm? The answer is a definite resounding NO. Probably no one knows or care to enough to hear me say, but it hurts big time during the course of that few days. It really does and it still is as memories are still afresh. But thank God that He has preserved my sanity. Above all, He has challenged me to take Him on on a higher level. That to me is the greatest consolation that emerged from all these.
Isn’t it sad to see best friends turn their back against each other? Or literally so? Thanks for trying to conform me all along to your highly exalted moral standards. I’m sorry I failed so terribly and am still labelled as an unconventional churchie to this date. In attempting to make me like you, you lost the essence of accepting people for who they are. Sometimes I wonder if I could even call you best friend. Best friend don’t turn their back against you and judge you like the way other does when you fail in one/more aspect(s). Best friend don’t give up on you though you made a blunder. Best friend don’t simply hang around cos you are convenient and just because you are within reach. Thinking back all these are yesteryear stories that should be buried deep within and never be brought to light. But sometimes, sad to say, time not necessary heal all wounds and fade all memories.
To leave WEFC is not an impulsive decision. It is one that has been deliberated for many months. Somewhat, to stay on is likened to self mutilation. Doing what you know hurts you yet you just hafta carry on. Alright maybe this is too expressive. My point is I need to breathe and truly enjoy worshipping God again freely. I can’t remember when was the time I do something totally voluntarily without dragging my feet through it. Obligations. It cuts off all the joy of serving God and impacting others to do the same. When my inner struggle rages, the by-product- an unhappy service which He takes no delight in. So I asked, “What’s the joy/point in it?”
Pointless. I chose to be a “quitter”. Or perhaps stop self mutilating. I don’t wanna bleed to death. Quite an ugly sight, that is. It is my heartfelt desire to want to go back to the basics. All of a sudden, this nostalgic feeling of my Jedidiah days arose. Those days were much simpler. Frankie was my CGX and Grace, my CG Xa. We sat on the cold hard floor of Moriah and strummed guitar. Worship is free spirited and prayers are fired up. I still remember vividly how I yearned for BS. Yup you read it right. I yearned for Frankie’s BS. Those were my simple joys. Joys of learning more about my Beautiful Saviour. Journey was never lonely cos there were brothers and sisters praying alongside and for me. Though squabbles can’t be helped, at the end of the day, LOVE covers a multitude of sins. We forgave each other and moved on. Such simplicity seems like a myth to me now. I wished and in fact, am dying to turn back time.
One thing I seek-that is to dwell in His presence. The Lord taught me something of worth lately. To dwell in His presence is the now and now. Not merely on Sunday mornings. Not in CG setting. But every waking moment. To be filled with thoughts about Him. I wonder how can one constantly think of our Heavenly Father. How can we be so “obsessed” with Him when we are constantly bombarded with the negativity of the world, through media, internet and what not. The writer, Philip Yancey, continues to say something so simple yet requires a great discipline. He said that it is all in the conscious mind. We hafta do that intentionally. True enough, like piano, the only way to perfection is by practise. Intentional practise. I let my mind savour at this profound realization that takes on a new light.
To sum it all up, I thank you all whom I have come across in WEFC. Thank you to all whom I have worked with and also those whom our paths met. Utmost appreciation to those who invested sacrificially into my life especially Frankie, Aggie and Grace. To my dearest close circle of friends, more than words, you guys are precious to me. I hope our friendship doesn’t just end here. Lastly, all glory be to God for it is He who has ordained my path and written my name in the Book of Life. I am eternally grateful for that. Till we meet again, God bless. Love you guys deeply.
Shalom.
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